Wake Me If You're Out There
by hoshiko2kokoro
Summary: Alfred would do anything to see that angel again. Even reach the stars and walk in space.


_The first time we met, I was seven. I guess that means we're like childhood friends, huh? I was visiting my grandparents their ranch- just in case you wondered why I was there. Cows and chickens and adult conversations bored me, so I ran around the open range with my superhero cape on. I imagined defeating villains, destroying monsters, and being loved by everyone for my heroic valiancy._

_And then I saw you._

_You fell from a cloud. I think you were leaning over too far, watching me, and just fell. Your wings were small, like you, but that didn't cross my mind. I just knew you were falling, and you could get hurt._

_With my arms outstretched and my head tilted up, I ran to try and catch you. I yelled that I would save you._

_It didn't cross my mind that you were an angel._

"T-minus 30…29…28…"

"Preparing the engines."

Alfred opened his eyes to the rumble of the ship around him. On both sides of him his fellow crew members were starting the engines, flipping switches and reading monitors to make sure all was well. Around them, the ship began to come alive, vibrating Alfred's entire being to the core. He could feel a tiny notebook stored in his breast pocket jiggle against his chest, and he smiled, confident it was there next to his heart. His memories were stored there.

"Fuel is at full, systems are normal, engines are stable, and everything is a go," Alfred said into his tiny mouthpiece. He sat back in his chair, nodding to both of his crewmembers, and waiting for the countdown to finish.

"_Who are you?" I asked._

"_Arthur," was all you said. You have such a strange accent. I liked it, and it made me smile and giggle. "You're Alfred Jones."_

_I nodded, not even thinking how you knew my name. "Yup! And I saved you! What were ya doin' up there?"_

_Arthur's eyes back then looked so empty. They were green, but looked almost white. I thought he was blind and maybe that's why he fell. But he blinked a few times while talking and I couldn't stop staring. His hair matched the glow of his golden halo, the breeze blowing his robe about him. I wanted to touch you, different than I had when I caught you._

_Arthur, you were the most beautiful person I'd ever met. Even at seven, I knew it._

"_You wanna play?" I asked after a time._

_You looked over my shoulder and then shook your head, frowning. "I can't."_

"_What?" I reached for you, but you took a step back. I cried, "Why? Please don't go. I'm bored. No one will play with me. Please. Be my friend and then mama will let you stay."_

"_I can't. But I'll see you again." You smiled and I stopped crying. "I promise. I promise I'll be back. Wait for me."_

_And then you were gone. The wind took you away from me and I fell on the grass. My mom was there and she held me to her chest, screaming my name as if I couldn't hear her. I just stared up at the sky, wishing to be up there with you. I knew you had gone back to the clouds. There were only a few that day, peppering the sky. Did you keep watching me?_

_I was so lonely._

The thunderous explosion of the engines blasting the rocket ship off the launch pad caused Alfred to open his eyes. He gripped the arm rest and smiled. Had he been any younger, perhaps he'd have let out a yelp of glee like a cowboy, but he kept his mouth firmly closed. Soon, oh so soon, he'd be in the stars. But for now, he would have to endure the violent shaking of the cabin around him. In his ear he heard NASA muttering about how all systems were normal and everything was fine, reassuring the astronauts they would reach space with no difficulty.

_The second time we met, I was eight. I was lying in bed, looking at the shadows cast on the wall from the tree outside my bedroom window. Then I saw your shadow. I jumped out of bed and ran to the window. You sat there, smiling, and I pulled you inside._

"_Stay with me?" I asked, but you shook your head._

"_Only for a little while."_

_I pouted and you pay my head. I should've hated it, but somehow, I didn't mind. From anyone else I probably would have._

"_How are you?" you asked._

_I shrugged as I sat on the floor, my legs crossed in an Indian-style and my hands on my knees. "School is hard. No one really likes me."_

_You frowned and put a hand on mine. "You're not happy?"_

_Shaking my head, I looked at the floor. "I'm a good actor. No one knows I'm sad because I smile a lot. But I'm still lonely. Everyone thinks I'm dumb. And mama likes to isolate me from people. She's worried I'll get hurt or something. But… I wanna be strong, so I can protect you."_

"_I need no protection," you said with a hum to your voice. Oh Arthur, you always were so beautiful._

_I put my hand on yours. "Well, if you stay, I could make you happy at least. We could be friends."_

"_I'll come back," you said. I leapt up in fear._

"_No! No please don't go!"_

_I heard my mama making noise as she came running up the stairs. You flew to the window and smiled sadly at me. I felt your hand on my face, but it was so cold, Arthur. I think it was because it wasn't really your hand, but the wind. And you were gone again. Mama came into my room and pulled me away from the window, crying again._

_I just stared at the stars. It wasn't the clouds I had to reach, but space itself._

"Houston, we're in orbit. All set to disembark," Alfred said into his mouthpiece. He flipped a switch, and a loud clang echoed in the hull. "Engines have disengaged. We are free to roam the cabin."

His crewmate, Gloria, unbuckled her straps and began to float around the cabin. She laughed as her curls tangled in her face, doing a flip in mid-air. The other crew member, John, followed suit, and was swimming around the small space, laughing all the while.

Alfred watched them for a bit, before he joined in too. The trio had undergone extensive drills and long-term camps to prepare them for this moment. But they couldn't help but laugh at the situation. No one could really stay serious when floating in space. All Alfred could think about, however, was if this was what it felt like when an angel spread their wings.

_You came back a year later._

_It was night again and I had left the window unlocked. I flung it open and pulled you in, hugging you. You laughed and kissed my cheek. I'd never found a reason to blush before, but that time I did, and I giggled like a little girl. You sly dog you._

_That time you stayed longer and I showed you my room. "I wanna be something amazing! Something that makes others go 'oh, he's important'!"_

"_Why?" you asked. You were sitting on my bed, your legs dangling down. I was admiring your wings as I sat across from you at my desk._

"_Because… I wanna be someone." I looked at the posters on my walls, sighing as I thought of all they were and all I was not. "I want to do something."_

"_Do people still not like you?" I nodded sadly, dropping my head to look at the floor. "I like you."_

_That made me smile and I looked at Arthur. "You're my best friend. Even though we only see each other once a year, you make me so happy."_

_I got quiet and just enjoyed having you there. You didn't move to fly away and that made me comfortable. So I swung my legs back and forth and stared at you._

_Then, "Mama is taking me to see strange people. She says she wants me to talk to them. I don't like talking to them."_

"_You're nine now, right? You shouldn't talk like that. You're smart." I frowned, but you smiled. You came to stand by me and put a hand on mine. "I believe in you."_

"_You're leaving again… aren't you?"_

_You nodded and I began to cry. I grabbed you in a futile attempt to keep you there, but you left like always. That time, you didn't promise to come back._

Alfred checked and rechecked the engines. They were to be in orbit for a few days, observe the sun and take measurements of its reactions, check on satellites in the area, and return home. It was simple mission, and Alfred's first that allowed him to walk outside. Of course, he wasn't to do so right away.

His first time in space had been three years ago. It was even more routine than this. He checked on a satellite and was shown the ropes of how to be an eventual captain. Now that he was higher in the ranks, he was all set to take a space walk.

But it was coming on midnight in their internal clocks. Gloria and John had already gone to sleep. Alfred took one last look around the cabin, and then turned out the small light over the console. He looked at the Earth. Such a pretty blue ball, and so far away. So different from when he looked up at the sky.

Carefully he maneuvered himself to his bed where he tethered himself to the side with the clip on his belt. He pulled out his notebook and flipped to a page.

_You didn't come back for two years._

_I was angry with you._

_When you came back I yelled at you, and you looked ready to cry. You hugged me and said you were sorry, and eventually I forgave you. That year, you kissed me, and I kissed you. Your lips were cold, but I liked that about you. I don't think I disliked a single thing of you._

_The next year, you came during school. I waved at you through the window, but it made my teacher upset. She came down the aisle and said something was wrong with me. I was sent home where my mama fretted over me again. I didn't get to talk to you that year._

_I was seventeen when I saw you next._

_You came to me through the window at night and stood before my bed. I knew who you were then. An angel, though I had never called you as such. I stared at you, thinking that I should be mad, but I smirked instead._

"_I didn't know angels aged."_

_Your eyes flickered just slightly, and I worried I had offended you. But you smiled and put a hand on mine. "You're older now. You've grown so much."_

_I pulled back the covers and invited you into my bed. You looked at me, hesitating, before I tugged on your hand on mine. You crawled in._

_Arthur, did you know my heart was beating fast? I kissed you as if we had always been lovers. You returned it, fisting my shirt in your hand and pressing your body to me. I heard you moan in the back of your throat as my tongue slide across yours. I wanted to make you mine, whispering your name against your earlobe, but you pushed back._

"_You are still young," you said. And you started to get out of bed._

"_I love you," I said, and you stopped, turning to me with wide eyes._

_You didn't smile._

_And then you were gone._

"Captain?"

Alfred was shaken awake. He blinked blearily at Gloria smiling above him. She nodded towards the cockpit. "You should see this. It's an Earth rise!"

Alfred unclipped his harness from the bed and floated after his crewmember. John was already there, squirting coffee into his mouth as he kept a close eye on the window. Alfred had seen an Earth rise once before, but thought nothing of it. He had more important thoughts on his mind.

Gloria huddled near the window with baited breath. She shook in excitement. "I've always wanted to see one of these. I've heard it's ten times more beautiful than a sunrise."

Alfred shrugged. "It's okay. I guess I'm jaded."

"I don't think I could ever get used to it," John commented. Finished with his coffee, he turned his attention to the sun rising over the planet. "Here we go."

And there it was. The sun peeked over the horizon of the Earth, starting a new day down below in a magnificent and almost biblical way. The sun streaked across land that stretched and curved and was the entire mass of land for all of human kind. It did so with such ease and beauty that it should've been a breathtaking sight to behold, but Alfred was only mildly interested, though he feigned sheer astonishment.

At the rim of the planet was a light layer of pink and white misting together. Gloria took it all in and breathed her amazement. "Oh…this is heaven. This is what heaven looks like."

For a moment, no one spoke, but then Alfred looked at Gloria. "What?"

"I'm saying, if there was a heaven, this is probably where it would be. At the edge of when the sun meets Earth."

_You came to me when I was twenty-one, and you stayed so much longer then. I took you in my arms and kissed you and you whispered another apology of being away for so long. I didn't want to hear it._

"_Stay… please stay," I pleaded._

_You nodded. "I can stay for a long time this time…"_

_And I laid you down on my bed. "I love you…"_

"_I love you too…" You caressed my face and smiled. Arthur, you always knew how to make my heart stutter. "When I was alive, I didn't have anyone I loved. I had to wait until now to find you…"_

_I kissed your hand, your temple, and your neck before asking you. "May I… Please, let me make love to you…"_

_And I should have stopped. It was a sin, I know. I deflowered an angel, but I could not help myself. With your robe gone and your halo sitting atop your head, your wings spread out around you and your eyes a brilliant green, I had to have you. You were mine that night as you clung to me and I to you and our bodies rocked back and forth as if one being. You called my name with a strangled voice, and I came inside you, enjoying the knowledge that a part of me was now inside you._

_And you were mine._

_You stayed through the night, but when sunrise came and I awoke, I saw you fade from my arms._

_That was the last time I saw you, and God took you back. Because I grounded an angel._

"I'm going outside," Alfred said suddenly.

John and Gloria turned sharply with curious stares. "Captain?"

"Don't stop me, okay? I have to do something." Alfred was already heading towards the back of the ship, pulling out his suit and fumbling for his helmet. He dressed himself as he heard John tell Houston headquarters that Alfred was slipping outside for a random walk.

"Captain? Jones? Alfred!" John rushed into the man's sight, blocking him from the airlock room. "Alfred, what's gotten into you? Why are you going out suddenly? You're not to go outside until we reach the satellite tomorrow."

Alfred maneuvered around John, a determined look on his face. "Please don't stop me. I've come on this mission for this one reason. I have to go outside. I'll come back, I promise. Wait for me."

And Alfred was gone. He waited for the airlock to seal and then opened the door to space.

It was so quiet. He tried to walk, but anywhere he moved, there was nothing stable under him. He set his sight on Earth, on the sun, on that great green mixed with blue, and he tried to walk towards it.

John and Gloria crowded around the window, watching Alfred. "What's gotten into him?" she asked.

John shrugged. He held the mouthpiece up close. "Captain? Captain, can you hear me? Alfred? Alfred!"

Gloria looked back at John, worried. "Did he turn off his headset?"

"I don't know… Alfred! Alfred, if you can hear me, don't go any further! The cord for your wire can't go much further than that. You have to stop or you'll tear it! Alfred!"

"What should we do? We don't have enough oxygen for two of us to go out." Gloria began to panic and her mind whirled with how they could communicate with Alfred.

He was going too far out.

Alfred held out a hand, staring at the sun. He closed his eyes as tears welled up at the corners. "Please…," he whispered. "Please. Please… Please come back. I miss you… You promised… Please… You're the only person to stay in my life… Please, don't leave me…"

"What's he doing?" Gloria asked. "It's like he's waiting for someone."

"I don't know… Alfred! Alfred! Stop! Come back, sir! Captain!"

There was a hand. And Alfred opened his eyes. Arthur was there, his wings spread out fully in space and his green eyes brighter than when they had first met. He smiled and took Alfred's other hand in his.

"I see you came to meet me," he said with humor lilting his voice. "I have missed you."

"I missed you too…," Alfred breathed. Around him he noticed the sun grew brighter, the mist overcoming him and Arthur. "I thought… I thought God hated me because I made love to you…and that's a sin."

Arthur shook his head with a smile. "No, my love… To be with your soul mate in an act of pure love is never a sin."

Alfred smile, blushing slightly at his memories. He reached out to touch Arthur and found his suit in the way. Arthur laughed and removed Alfred's helmet. He leaned in and kissed him.

"Now… I can stay with you…"

_Gloria sobbed into John's chest, unable to look out the window. She clung to his shirt and repeated, "Why? Oh God, why?" until John pushed her away. He was angry, unable to comprehend what happened._

"_Shuttle Angel, report," crackled the headset; Houston._

_John took the microphone in his shaking hands. He breathed once, looking out the window, and gulped down his tears. "…Captain Jones…is dead, Houston…"_

"…_WHAT?"_

Alfred lay in the clouds, laughing and happy. He was finally happy. And Arthur was there beside him. They could kiss in the warm sun, flying to their hearts content, and were never seen without each other. The other angels welcomed Alfred, commending him on his amazing human talents of being an astronaut.

"I told you, you were brilliant," Arthur murmured in Alfred's ear. And he chuckled when he saw him blush to his ears. "I love you…"

"I'll always love you too."

* * *

><p><em>Hoshiko2<em>'s cents: I claim little knowledge of actual astronaut dealings. Song that inspired this fic was "Angels" by Owl City, which has no connection to this. Picture that helped form it is this ( img(.)photobucket(.)com /albums/v735/hoshiko2/For%20tumblr/tumblr_lzjz3kRJUL1qmw578o1_500(.)png )


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